Dads: Tips on How You Can Help with Breastfeeding

Dads: Tips on How You Can Help with Breastfeeding

Prior to giving birth to our second son, my husband and I had a serious conversation about him being the gatekeeper for visitors at the hospital. I was inspired by how my sister initiated breastfeeding right away after delivery, and wanted to do the same with our son. My husband’s job was to determine when people came to visit. This allowed me to feel comfortable nursing openly. Little did I know the countless ways of him assisting and supporting me with breastfeeding would be revealed throughout this journey. He provided us with an eternal sense of peace.

I was exhausted the first night at the hospital, because of waking up every 2 ½ hours to feed. My body was tired after giving birth, and sleep deprivation was starting to kick in big time. The last thing I wanted to do was put a hungry baby on my sore breasts. With love and knowing my intentions, my husband was very supportive in getting me water and adjusting my pillow to nurse. Sometimes he felt helpless and indicated that there wasn’t much he could do to assist me with various positions to feed. I felt the same way, until we had a visit from the lactation consultant, Catharine Monet.

Ms. Monet, a certified International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiner, tiptoed into our dim lit room and spoke in a very soft voice. She is petite with coke-bottle glasses, grayish brown hair, and exudes a nurturing spirit. I had just begun nursing as she approached the bedside and glanced down at our baby. Ms. Monet smiled as her voice matched her sweet persona and graceful motions, while reiterating to us the importance of breastfeeding. Intrigued by her wisdom, my intuition was correct in sensing that she had been teaching mothers for years about breastfeeding. In fact, she has worked in the field for over 22 years and believes that “God put the great desire in her to teach mothers how to feed their babies.”

Her guidance and support led me to interview her and to share her knowledge and truth with other moms and dads. Ms. Monet helped my husband feel a part of the breastfeeding experience. Her tips on getting your partner involved with breastfeeding were both useful and powerful. These tips are summarized in her own words.

Communication: When you first think about bringing a new life into the planet, you must remember that communication is important, not only with yourself, but your belief system and partner. Discuss the benefits of breastfeeding with your partner and weigh out the pros and cons. Have an open mind and remember that it doesn’t work for everyone. Don’t feel pressured to nurse. We have had cases where as consultants the father has pushed the mother to breastfeed and she for whatever reason doesn’t have it in her heart or mind to nurse. That puts her in a terrible situation and can be humiliating. It is the best thing for the child, but lots of women end up hiding how they feel, and may sabotage their own breastfeeding. Some women may have a lot of guilt and pain. If dad can be understanding and supportive of what’s in her heart, then they can grow closer together.

Be Supportive: The story of Hannah in the Bible is a good example of a husband being supportive to his wife about wanting to have children and breastfeeding. The story in short is about a woman who asked God to give her children. She was one of two wives, in which the second wife produced sons and daughters. This caused Hannah great grief. She asked God to give her a male child and promised him back to God. The priest told her to sober up. She said, don’t look unkindly unto me, because I’m pouring my heart out to God. Hannah conceived a son, stayed at home and nursed him until she weaned him. Her husband, knowing that they’ve made this promise, was supportive of her decision to stay home until their child was weaned. In other words, the most supportive thing to do is what is best for the mother and child. It is between you, your child and your God. Support her.

It is important for a partner or husband to honor the woman and do what her heart desires. Showing interest in what the woman wants to do is a great gift. Breast milk is more than food. It’s spirit. The relationship itself is designed to create divine communication where the child is able to receive and prepares to receive. With God, we have to be quiet, open our hearts and receive.

The mother is very pleased when the husband or partner tells her that he is supportive and encourages her that she can do it. Bringing the baby to the mother, helping the baby latch, telling the mother the baby is getting relaxed and what the child needs are also helpful.

Attend a breastfeeding seminar: For dads, sit there, look interested, and be supportive. Believe me, you will gain from the experience and build a stronger relationship with your partner.

Online: Get online and learn more about breastfeeding. There are all sorts of information available online to readers.

Focus: Remember that we live in a web of energy and that we are all connected. When you are breastfeeding your baby in the hospital, and if the father or partner (as a support person) is not involved, then in can be difficult. For example, if your partner is focused on TV, reading, on the computer, texting or talking on the phone, then that can be a distraction. Involvement means shutting it all down and encouraging baby. Focus on the breastfeeding time and not on something else.

A husband or partner is not outside of the relationship. He is an integral part of this, and when he pulls back or is not involved it doesn’t go as well. By divine design he shows support, just standing there. What’s cool, after telling him, he gets involved. It’s not just her thing to do. Creatively pull him in and make him see what a big impact he has on the success on this relation. If he helps this relationship develop, then the child has a better relationship. If an environment is created where focus is on mother and baby, and the father or partner is part of that then he can change the bond.

Massage: As a dad, there are things that you can learn about that helps the process: massage, getting snacks, and holding acupressure points at the base of mother’s neck, to help the milk let down. If you have a happy mother, you have a happy baby.

Positioning: Help mom learn what positions are most comfortable for her and baby when breastfeeding. Father and mother should act as a team.

Remember that if you want to breastfeed your child then wonderful! However, if you choose not to breastfeed then that’s OK too. You can still be a wonderful parent without breastfeeding. It usually takes 2-3 weeks until the baby is comfortable. Milk may not come in right always, or breasts may be very sore. It’s difficult in the beginning. However, if your milk supply is good and you want to give it a try, then ask your partner to come along for the journey.


DADS TO DO LIST:
1. Adjust the positioning of the pillow
2. Provide water and food
3. Adjust the lighting in the room
4. Burp the baby
5. Change the baby if needed after feeding
6. Swaddle the baby after feeding and changing
7. Clean / cook
8. Massage
9. Take a shift
10. Encourage with love

Sojourner Marable Grimmett has a BA in communications from Clark Atlanta University and an MA in media studies from Pennsylvania State University. She is a stay-at-work mom and her experience in higher education spans over 10 years working in student services and enrollment management. She lives in southwest Atlanta with her husband, Roland and two young sons, Roland Jay and Joshua. Visit her blog: http://sojournermarablegrimmett.blogspot.com . Follow her on Twitter: http://twitter.com/sojournerruth

Published Click On Link: elephant journal

Balance Work and Motherhood

The best day of my life wasn't when my future husband, Roland asked for my phone number, or when I defended my master's thesis. I thought nothing could be better than the day I said, "I Do!" and jumped the broom. Surely, it was the faithful day that I gave birth to our son, Roland Jay.

Now, almost two years later, I think back to when I was in the hospital sending text messages just moments after giving birth. I'll admit that I was a workaholic. I worked over 10 hour days and responded to work-related emails on the weekends. My life was my job and work came first. I skipped family functions and sorority meetings to work. I sacrificed my social life.

Being on maternity leave was truly a blessing. I had time to collect my thoughts and prioritize life. I struggled with returning back to work, but enjoyed my job and wanted to fulfill my dreams. Before returning, I did the following: 1) Changed my work hours to 8am - 5pm, in order to pick up our son from daycare, 2) Found a daycare where I could view our son online, and 3) Promised myself that I would leave work on time every day.

I had fears of returning back to work. Fears of not being able to juggle my new life. Although an extremely good multitasker, having the responsibility to take care of another human being was a huge deal. Sleep deprivation and pacing up and down the same hallway ruled my whole universe. The arduous task of juggling work and motherhood probed me to ask the same question to other working mothers.

Ann Serrano, Associate Director at a nonprofit organization states, “My job has given me a flexible working schedule. I telecommute two days a week, which really helps me maintain my milk supply. It also lessens the amount of time that I'm separated from my baby. My job has also created a space for me to pump.”

There are several options that can help women balance every day life. If your job does not require regular face-to-face communication, then telecommuting may be a great option. Certain companies may allow various start and end times for salaried positions. Sometimes, employees have the option to choose to work a compressed work week, in which they work longer hours during the week and have a full or partial day off. Colleagues may also be interested in job sharing, in which they share the same job and each work part-time.

The key to balancing work and motherhood is creating boundaries and making sure that your family is first priority. Diana Hernandez, Human Resources Consultant at a west-coast university, changed positions at the university shortly after returning back from maternity leave. “I felt comfort in my community of friends/mentors at the university, who encouraged me to consider transferring jobs. They helped me find a position in Human Resources that fit my skills and goals. I transferred in January of 2008 and have been very satisfied; my work ends at the end of the day, and I can go home to my family.”

I think it’s also important to take time out of each day to get centered. Below are several tips to make your day more enjoyable.

• Personalize your space. Make your workspace a place that makes you smile.
• Take a (virtual) vacation. (I close my eyes are pretend that I’m 21 years-old again, vacationing in Jamaica).
• Try to get the annoying things off your to-do list before lunch.
• Take a walking break in the afternoon and get some fresh air or visit a friend in another department.
• During lunch, pray, exercise, take a nap (rest), play some tunes, or meditate.
• Add a fountain in your office, the sounds of running water can be soothing.
• Dress up! Wear something that makes you feel and look good!

There are more than 83 million moms in the United States, and 61% are striving in the work place. Everyday mothers are successfully accomplishing this great balancing act: work and motherhood.

The women’s movement suggested that mothers can have it all. From a personal experience, I would have to agree. The topic and discussion of stay-at-work moms is profound, yet it is our living within the presence of these moments that tremendous accomplishment and self-confidence are gained.